Take a Bow

So last week my day started with a real gem of a client, a young woman who has changed her name so that it is the same as an aging pop superstar; we'll call her Material Girl, or M, for short. And she has named her Yorkie puppy after a designer, we'll call him Prada.

I go in the room and M. is on the phone, wearing her ghetto shades. She looked like this:

That's not really her, of course, or Prada, but it is a dead on dramatic reenactment by one of our receptionists. (Love you, Sandra!!)

M. is clearly much more important than us, since she cannot make eye or ear contact with us during the exam. So, I pick up her little dog and start to examine it. He's only 5 months old, but he also thinks he is more important than me and tries to bite me during the entire exam. They are both total divas.

During the exam and vaccinations, M. continues her crucial phone conversation, which goes like this, "Yeah, I took the day off..... Are you going to that wedding?... Me, too... Did you see her outfit?... I thought it was so cute!.... Yeah, Prada is being really bad at the vet's... Uh huh, can you hear him?... Anyway, about yesterday..."

Finally, I've finished with the dog, so I lean over and say, "I need to talk to you now." M. gets off the phone and glares at me through her shades. "Your dog has 5 baby teeth that haven't fallen out. Its actually a common yorkie problem. They need to come out because the teeth get crowded, causing periodontal pockets and dental disease. But don't worry; we can take them out when we neuter him."

"Oh, I'm not going to do that," she huffed.

"Really?" I said, "That's too bad, because he has some pretty bad behavior issues today, and it would be a lot easier if he were neutered."

"He's not like that at home. He's only like that here. I'm going to take him to a Dog Obedience class."

"Well," I said, "He still is going to have to come here for veterinary care. Do you think you could come by with him once a week--"

"I'm not going to do that. I'm taking him to dog obedience."

"No, I mean just come by here once a week for free, stop in, let the receptionists pet him and give him a cookie. It really helps to--"

"I told you I'm NOT going to do that! He's going to dog obedience!"

Now I was steamed. "OK, I can see you don't want my help. I was trying to do something for you for free, but I'll just make you a new estimate for pulling the baby teeth."

I left the room, then returned with an estimate for extractions and a handout about why the teeth needed pulling. M. was already back on the phone. I showed her the estimate, and she tossed it on the table saying, "Yeah, that's never going to happen!" Was she talking to me, or her friend on the phone? I don't know, but I left as soon as possible, and the door may have slammed on my way out.

She stayed on her phone in the reception area, saying, "That f'ing bitch said my dog had a behavior problem. I should have slapped that ho!" M. told the receptionist that I didn't even give the vaccines, and the poor girl came back wide eyed to ask me what happened. I said, "Tell her she didn't see me give the shots because she was on the phone the entire time. If she's not happy, she can have a copy of her records and go elsewhere."

She took her records, and declared she was never coming back. Don't worry, M., we already marked your record as "Persona Non Grata." And your little dog, too!